he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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