I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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