Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i've created a new STD.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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