Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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