I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
