I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
