i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
