mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
did i just pee glitter
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