I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
