I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
