My Higher Power is John Stamos
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i out mim tonsoeep
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
