Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
