It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
