You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize