My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
