The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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