You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
