Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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