Christians are straight up FREAKS
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You made out with two different species that night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
