nut hugger
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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