he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
