guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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