I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
