I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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