We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
