While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
