I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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