Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
