Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
