he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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