please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
