Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
