I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
