I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
