Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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