I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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