I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
