ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
