I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Couch. On fire.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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