Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
