Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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