Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You took a bar mat shot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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