so let's talk penis.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
