I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
