My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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