wakey wakey hands off snakey
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
oh god was she eating orange peels again
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
