1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
