As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just found puke in my bra..
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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