My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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