i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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