He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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