elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
