Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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