You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize