Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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