Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
