I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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