he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
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youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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