I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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