Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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