i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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