Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
