Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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