Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
