everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
