In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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