I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
