You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
