Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
