U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
