On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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