All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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